You wonder why I don’t
answer your 3 a.m. phone calls.
When you say “I miss you”,
I begin to undress myself out of habit.
i am leaving in a few days to a place i am not sure i want to call home that is within a larger place that i do want to call home and i am simultaneously trying to convince some strangers why it is a good idea to lend me their beds and all i want is for the beds to be real, because i can’t stop worrying about my mom and her potential inability to come home and watch tv, which is something we all deserve to do at 8pm. it all feels very odd because the salgado lady recognized me today and the cafe lady recognized me today and they both asked if i wanted the usual and of course i said yes but all i could think of is when they will forget me because it always, inevitably happens and there is nothing to come home to.
national moment of silence 2014 (for victims of police brutality)
share the following:
"boston" was the first song i listened to when my plane landed for college. i haven’t stopped thinking about sunrises since then. one thousand seventy four. the number of pages i’ve read this week. the number of times the fan turnt. the number of times i’ve woken up, just to fall back asleep later. sometimes with another body. mostly alone.
i am older now. if you were to pump three chicken glasses of honey sweet wine into my stomach and lay me gently on my bed and play the kind of music that makes me feel like i need to swallow, i would probably tell you that i find meaning in my life. i find it a lot, but it never seems to be with me. it comes close when i am most away from myself.