the stars, aligned

elaine, 21 & abound
gonna fly to where my water's sky blue
Home explorereadingmessage Themes

You wonder why I don’t
answer your 3 a.m. phone calls.

When you say “I miss you”,
I begin to undress myself out of habit.

— Sierra Demulder  (via wewerenevertragedies)

prob

i am leaving in a few days to a place i am not sure i want to call home that is within a larger place that i do want to call home and i am simultaneously trying to convince some strangers why it is a good idea to lend me their beds and all i want is for the beds to be real, because i can’t stop worrying about my mom and her potential inability to come home and watch tv, which is something we all deserve to do at 8pm. it all feels very odd because the salgado lady recognized me today and the cafe lady recognized me today and they both asked if i wanted the usual and of course i said yes but all i could think of is when they will forget me because it always, inevitably happens and there is nothing to come home to.

“You never need to apologize
for how you chose to survive.”

— Clementine von Radics (via journalofanobody)

“You don’t know anyone at the party, so you don’t want to go. You don’t like cottage cheese, so you haven’t eaten it in years. This is your choice, of course, but don’t kid yourself: it’s also the flinch. Your personality is not set in stone. You may think a morning coffee is the most enjoyable thing in the world, but it’s really just a habit. Thirty days without it, and you would be fine. You think you have a soul mate, but in fact you could have had any number of spouses. You would have evolved differently, but been just as happy.
You can change what you want about yourself at any time. You see yourself as someone who can’t write or play an instrument, who gives in to temptation or makes bad decisions, but that’s really not you. It’s not ingrained. It’s not your personality. Your personality is something else, something deeper than just preferences, and these details on the surface, you can change anytime you like.
If it is useful to do so, you must abandon your identity and start again. Sometimes, it’s the only way.
Set fire to your old self. It’s not needed here. It’s too busy shopping, gossiping about others, and watching days go by and asking why you haven’t gotten as far as you’d like. This old self will die and be forgotten by all but family, and replaced by someone who makes a difference.
Your new self is not like that. Your new self is the Great Chicago Fire—overwhelming, overpowering, and destroying everything that isn’t necessary.”

— Julien Smith, The Flinch (via larmoyante)

7,august

"boston" was the first song i listened to when my plane landed for college. i haven’t stopped thinking about sunrises since then. one thousand seventy four. the number of pages i’ve read this week. the number of times the fan turnt. the number of times i’ve woken up, just to fall back asleep later. sometimes with another body. mostly alone.

i am older now. if you were to pump three chicken glasses of honey sweet wine into my stomach and lay me gently on my bed and play the kind of music that makes me feel like i need to swallow, i would probably tell you that i find meaning in my life. i find it a lot, but it never seems to be with me. it comes close when i am most away from myself.